Kinky Identity

Posted on 3rd April 2011 in Kinky Life, Submission

In her list of submissive journal prompts, lunaKM asks whether I identify as a slave, a submissive, or something else and what my definition of that identity is. That’s a great question and one I have not fully answered yet. The simplest response is that I’m evolving.

As a bit of background, my husband and I only started practicing kink about a year ago. I had kinky thoughts and desires most of my adult life, but had not “come out” to anyone. After twelve years of marriage, I thought it was time. So I asked him what he thought about spanking me. He did. We both got amazingly aroused. And so on and so forth.

At first I thought we’d switch. I never thought of myself as a bottom or a submissive. In my day to day public life I’m assertive and actually have to have control of many situations. But, oh how wrong I was.

I’ve learned over the past year that I’m at least a ¬†sexual submissive to my husband. I’ve also learned that practicing kink takes more trust than anything else I’ve ever done. I’ve learned that my easy going, happy-go-lucky, mild mannered husband is quite the Dom in the bedroom, and very slightly sadistic. Mmmm…shiver!

What really surprises me is that I’m slowly coming to understand that I like being submissive more than just in the bedroom. I’m not anywhere close to ready for 24/7, but as I explained to him yesterday while we were shopping, sometimes I just don’t want to think-don’t want to make decisions. I want him to do it. Not because I can’t, but because I love that feeling of being cared for, of being protected. I love that look on his face when he’s proud of me or when he’s showing me off. I love the power that he gives off when he’s in Alpha Male mode.

So, what is my kinky identity today? I would say I’m sexually submissive to my husband, with overall sub tendencies. My definition of that identity is that I love to please him, love to see his eyes light up when he’s happy, love for him to take me and make me unmistakably his.

How do you define your kinky self and your relationship dynamic? Have you evolved since the beginning? Have you surprised yourself along the way?

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